Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
