Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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