i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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