first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
