just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize