I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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