So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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