Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
