Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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