the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
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Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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