Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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