Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
