every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
