can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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