This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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