Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
