Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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