Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
