I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
