i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You dont lie about slip and slides
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
