Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
