And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
