I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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