At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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