im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
