i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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