she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
