i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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