i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
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