Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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