I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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