They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
