i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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