Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
only you would photoshop your dick
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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