Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
