Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
