Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
