i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
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My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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