During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
