Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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