I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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