Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
