forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
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yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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