last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
