If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
