FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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