so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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