recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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