I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Randomize
