I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
