I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
