If i come over, it means nothing
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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