You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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