i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
