I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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