Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
