when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
