you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
