we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
